Aaron's self pitty
by JustMe90
Summary: Aaron's suicide attempt through the eyes of Adam.  Rated T because of the suicide attempt, but it's not graphic


Adam walked towards Smithy Cottage and knocked on the door. While waiting for someone to answer it, he heard Marlon behind him. "You have to knock louder than that! They're at the police station".

"You've heard anything?" Adam asked while walking towards Marlon.

"No, they haven't charged him yet," Marlon answered.

"Maybe I should go down there, and say something," Adam said. Marlon looked confused, so Adam added: "To the police, I mean".

"Like what exactly?" Marlon answered.

_What do I've to tell him? I promised not to tell anyone._

"I don't know? Erm, like it was out of character or something," Adam said.

"Trouble is it wasn't,' Marlon responded, 'was it?

"Tell them it was a birthday bash for you" Marlon said cynic.

"Yeah," was all Adam said?

_If they just knew, Adam thought. _

"Aaron didn't say why he did it, has he?" Marlon asked.

"It must have been because something that Jackson guy said, I suppose," Adam said.

"Must have been, yeah," Marlon said while looking to the ground.

"I'll see you around," Adam said and walked away from Marlon.

"Adam!" Marlon said and walked towards Adam again. Adam had stopped walking, when he had heard his name. _What else did Marlon needed to know from him? It wasn't like he knew much more of this all._

"You didn't see… anything… specific?" Marlon asked.

"No." Adam said. _Didn't I just tell him that already he thought?_ "But if I see Aaron, I'll tell him you asked after him, yeah?"

"Cheers, yeah," Marlon said and Adam walked away again.

Later on the day, Adam heard that Aaron was back at work again, so he went to the garage to speak to him. When he arrived he saw Aaron standing at the computer. Glad he was there now, he walked towards him.

"You've got a minute?" Adam asked Aaron.

"Ho Ho, be carefully. He doesn't like when boys starts to crave him," Cain said with a smirk on his face. He heard Ryan laughing behind Cain, which made Adam smile himself. _Okay, it's kind of funny isn't it, Adam thought. _Aaron didn't react on the comment, so Adam walked towards him, letting Cain and Ryan behind.

'Before you ask, they'll do me for ABH, and no, I don't regret,' Aaron said when he noticed Adam coming up to him.

Adam sighs and throws his head back before he says: 'I just came by to see how you were.'

Aaron looked up from the computer. "So now you know, so you can deal on it."

Adam looks away from Aaron. _I can't believe how he's dealing with it. He's just acting like it nothing._

'How long do you keep this up for?' Adam asked.

Aaron looked up from his computer again, this time a bit annoyed before he says: 'I'm busy".

'Well, one of these days you're going to need a mate. Let's hope you have someone left then,' Adam says before walking away.

_Really with this guy there's no communication possible. At least not here, maybe it's better if I talk to him some other time._

Adam went to Smithy Cottage later on the day, when Windsor garage already must be closed. The door is open, so he decided to just walk in. When he came in, Paddy and Chas were in the kitchen, but with a fast glare through the kitchen he didn't see Aaron.

'Hey, is Aaron around?' Adam asked Paddy.

'He's been some sort of a subject,' Paddy said with a concerned face. 'You better come in.'

_What's going on was all Adam could think off._

'We've a difference of opinion,' Paddy said while making a small gesture with his fingers.

'How do you mean?' Adam asked while looking at Paddy and Chas who are standing at the other side of the small kitchen.

'He found out that I told Chas and Marlon,' Paddy said with a guilty face.

_Now I know why he's acting so moody. Not that charging for ABH isn't enough reason for his mood, but well._

'Marlon knows?' Adam asked wondered. _Why didn't he say something earlier?_

'Hang on a minute!' Chas says with a shocked face. 'Oh, you know? Flaming typical that is, isn't it?' she says while looking from Adam too Paddy. 'Am I the last person to find out that my own son is gay?' she kind of asked angrily at Paddy.

Paddy looked very guilty. _ Maybe it's better if I just leave now, Adam thought._

'You know what? I'll look around for him. He might get up to Zak and Lisa's.' Adam said.

'Good luck with making him up to talk to you,' Chas said with a not amused face.

Adam didn't know what to say, so he looked up to Paddy, and left the kitchen.

Adam drove around on his quad for a while, but he saw no signs of Aaron. He decided to take a look at the garage, maybe he was still there.

When he stopped the quad, Adam took his helmet off. The first thing he noticed was the smoke. He stood up from the quad and threw the helmet away.

_What the heck is going on here?_

Slowly he walked to the small window that gave him sight to what happened inside the garage. The image he saw wasn't good at all.

'Aaron?' Adam said anxiously. He looked to the ground to see if there was anything present to break the windows with. He saw a hammer right in front of his feet, and took it immediately. With the hammer, Adam started to break down all of the windows, so the smoke could escape from the garage.

'AARON! AARON!' Adam screamed. The smoke came out through the now broken window right into Adam's face. He started to cough.

_This isn't going to work. Eh, I need to find another way. The door!_

Adam walked towards the garage door and started to kick against it, hoping it would break down, or at least open up. Somewhere in the background he heard someone screaming.

'Hey! Hey!'

Adam turned around to see who was screaming at him. He saw Cain running towards him.

_Oh no, this will only delay things, Adam thought._

'You're exactly going to tell me what you're doing!' Cain said angrily.

'It's Aaron. He's in there,' Adam said full of panic.

'What are you talking about?' Cain said confused.

'The place is full of smoke and he's trapped!' Adam said loud and still in panic.

Cain didn't think twice and started to kick against the door as well.

After a while the door breaks, and Cain run into the garage, followed by Adam.

Because of the amount of smoke, Adam starts coughing.

Cain opens up the car door and steps back. Adam walks to around the door and bends over to Aaron. 'AARON!' he yells.

'Don't know what he's waiting at,' Cain says.

'I don't know,' Adam says. 'Come on!'

Together with Cain, Adam pulls Aaron out of the car.

'Come on!' Adam says loud while he and Cain carried Aaron out of the garage, 'Come on!'

Adam and Cain lay down Aaron in front of the garage on the gravel. Adam kneels besides him to check up on Aaron's breathing. He bends over Aaron and listens with his ear very close to Aaron's mouth and nose if he hears anything.

'Is he breathing?' Cain asked.

'Can't tell,' Adam responds without looking away from Aaron. He shakes Aaron a bit. 'Come on!'

'Okay, I'll call an ambulance,' Cain says.

'DO IT! NOW!' Adam screams in panic at Cain.

'I'll do and I get Paddy!' Cain says and runs away.

_This will take too long, I will call that freaking ambulance myself, Adam thought._

Adam feels in the pockets of his jacket, and finally finds his phone. He unlocks the keyboard and punched 999 as soon as possible.

While impatiently waiting to someone to answer his call, he whispers: 'Come on!'

'Ambulance? AdAm says when someone answers his call.

While waiting for Cain to get back with Paddy, and the ambulance to come, Adam sits on his knees next to Aaron. He takes off his jacket to lay it under Aaron's head. 'Come on mate!' Adam says to Aaron with a broken voice.

Then he hears Cain and Chas running up on the gravel towards him.

'Oh, please God! No!' Chas says anxiously while running to her son. She kneels besides Aaron on the other side.

'What happened?' Chas asks.

'The place was full of fumes, Chas,' Adam explains. 'He must have got locked up in there.'

'Aaron!' Chas screams at Aaron.

In the corner of his eye, Adam sees also Paddy entering the scene.

'AARON!' Chas screams again. 'He's not breathing!'

'Do something!' she screams at Paddy.

Adam hears Paddy running closer towards Aaron and kneeling besides him.

'What was he doing in there?' Chas asks Adam.

'I don't know! We just found him there,' Adam says a bit annoyed.

Both Adam and Chas look to Paddy who's feeling Aaron's pulse.

'If there is a pulse, it's too weak to tell,' Paddy says anxiously.

'Oh my god! There's nothing?' Chas screams at Paddy.

Adam feels scared. He wasn't able to be a good friend lately, although he did try. He just didn't know what was going on inside Aaron's head. _Please don't let this be happening! I can't lose him!_

'Come on!' Adam says to Aaron while giving him CPR.

'How long does it take the ambulance to get here?' Paddy asks.

'I don't know,' Cain says.

'They said about 10 minutes!' Adam says while he keeps giving Aaron CPR.

'I'll try again,' Cain says not knowing what else he could do.

'Aaron, I'm begging you! Don't do this to me!' Chas desperately says to Aaron almost in tears.

Adam hears Cain saying something, but he couldn't understand what was been said.

'What?' Paddy asks confused. 'What do you mean?'

'What I'm trying to say is… I THINK he was trying to kill himself,' Cain explains upset. 'Ambulance?

'Aaron, please, please!' Chas begged.

'Oh, I don't think it's working,' Paddy says scared.

'No I can't lose him. I can't lose! NO I CAN'T LOSE HIM! Chas screams around.

'Come on mate! Come on Aaron!' Adam begged Aaron.

'Aaron, please, please!' Adam heard Chas begging again on the other side of Aaron.

'Come on mate! Come on!'

'No I can't lose him!' Chas says now in tears.

Adam kept giving Aaron CPR until the paramedics came and took it over from him.

Adam went to the hospital along with Paddy and Chas. Because he couldn't do anything he waited in the waiting room.

Adam didn't even notice he felt asleep, until he felt someone ticking against his feet. When he opened his eyes he Saw Paddy, who was about to sit next to him. Adam sits up straight and while rubbing out the sleep of his eyes, he asks: 'Is he okay?'

'Still the same,' Paddy answered. 'Why don't you get off?'

'No,' Adam answered while graving his head into his jacket.

Adam feels Paddy's eyes staring at him, but he doesn't dare to look up at him. He really wants to stay at the hospital and be there for Aaron when he wakes up. If he looks up, Paddy will really see how tired he is and sent him home.

'I can't believe this is happening, Paddy,' Adam says full of disbelieve. For a few second he keeps staring in front of him, before he continues: 'If I haven't… If I hadn't found him…' Adam looks with red eyes, which are at the point to break into tears at Paddy, who looks away. Adam looks again to the ground in front of him.

'I warn you as soon as he wakes up,' Paddy says.

Adam begins to realize there's nothing that he could do at the moment, and he feels very tired. _Maybe it's better if I just go home and lay down for a few hours, Adam thought._

'Okay,' Adam says with a broken voice and keeps staring at the ground in front of him. 'Hold on! I'll come back later then, yeah?' Adam says and he looks at Paddy.

'I'll bring the iPod in, cause that's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? Play music there?' Adam asked with a very tired and confused face.

Obviously Paddy doesn't know what to say to Adam either, so before Adam stands up to leave the hospital he gives Paddy an encouraging touch on the knee.

Back home Adam can't get the energy to go up and sleep. He sits down at the kitchen table drinking tea with his mum.

'You saved his life,' Moira said as she strokes her sons face.

'He's lifeless without the machines, mum,' Adam says. 'And we don't even know yet…'

'Hey, you did everything you could sweetheart!' Moira assures Adam.

'How is he?' John asked as he came into the kitchen.

Adam looked up, but didn't answer his father's question.

'What? He's not?' John asked shocked when he sees the faces of his son and his wife.

'No, it's just not come around yet,' Moira says to her husband with a concerned face.

'So why do you think he did it then?' John asks Adam.

'I don't know,' Adam says. He doesn't give a damn about the reason at the moment. All he wants is for Aaron to better awake again and get better.

'Do you think he actually wanted t kill himself? Or did he give an intention thing?' Moira asks her sons concerned.

'Look, the last thing Aaron wanted was attention, believe me,' Adam said as he looks to his parents.

'Well he's got it now. All the villagers are talking about him,' John informs his son.

'Do you think it has something to do with that lad?' Moira asks.

'What lad?' Adam asks on his turn. He knows about who she's talking about, but he doesn't want to get the attention on that again. It's the last thing Aaron would want.

'The one he hit. The one he got arrested for,' Moira says.

'I reckon it can't be a coincidence,' John says.

Adam was glad John changed the subject for a while when Holly came in. He really didn't want to talk about anymore. He knows why Aaron did this to himself, or at least he has a suspicion, but he can't talk to his family about it. It's the last thing Aaron wants.

Adam had no idea where the conversation was about, until he heard his name.

Apparently John and Moira were questioning Holly about coming home late. Holly says on her turn that she wasn't the only one who came in late. Adam hadn't been home all night.

'Your brother spend the night at the hospital,' Moira said to defend Adam.

'You're all right?' Holly asks concerned.

'It's Aaron,' Adam says and turns his head too Holly. 'He tried to kill himself.'

'Shut up,' Holly says full of disbelieve.

'He's in a coma,' Adam said as he stares at his cup of tea again, what he hadn't drunk.

'Seriously' Holly asks, as she couldn't believe what she just heard.

'I'm not going to joke about something like that now, am I? Adam responded to his sister annoyed.

'But he's going to be okay again, will he?' Holly asks, now knowing it's not a sick joke.

'I don't know,' Adam says as he almost breaks down into tears, because of his concerns and his tiredness.

'Of course he is,' Moira says as a try to make her son feel a bit better.

Adam tried to sleep after the conversation he had with his family. He felt terrible for not being able to talk about it. At least not really talk about it. He promised Aaron to not telling anybody about his sexuality, and because that's the reason that all caused this, it's better if he kept his mouth shut.

He wasn't able to sleep much either, he kept thinking about Aaron, so after a few very short naps, he got up and went down to the kitchen. There he found Scarlett.

She asked him the same questions again, as his parents already did earlier, and he gave her the exact same answers.

'Shall I just come with you,' Scarlett asks as Adam said he wanted to go to the hospital again.

'It's probably a waste of your time,' Adam responds. 'Chas won't leave him, so you probably end up sitting there on your own.'

Adam hears his sister and Roz come home, so he decides it's time to go. He really doesn't feel the need to talk again about what happened with her.

'You're off out?' Holly asks as she sees her brother getting his jacket on.

'Yeah, hospital,' he quickly responds to her question.

'How is he,' Holly asks.

'Same,' Adam says. 'See you later.' And leave through the kitchen door followed by Scarlett.

Aaron was still in a coma for the next couple of days. Adam had brought Aaron his iPod to the hospital, and tried all kinds of music, but unfortunately nothing helped to wake Aaron up. Everyday Adam went to the hospital, and when he wasn't there he was on the phone with Paddy to stay informed.

After Adam had called Paddy again he wanted to go outside to help John around at the farm, but before he could leave he ended up in a small altercation with his sister. Apparently she wants to her more around the farm, to earn some more money. Adam can't believe she offers that, because when there's one person who never wants to get dirty hands, its Holly.

'What?' Adam heard before he walked into the kitchen.

'You never help!' Adam says to his sister.

'I do,' Holly says as she tries to defend herself.

'So you reckon, you sacrifice yourself, and for getting your perfect moisturized little hands dirty,' Adam said

'Okay, that's enough,' Moira said and she tried to find a solution to end the discussion that was going on between her two kids. When John walks into the kitchen she informs him that Holly will help around the farm the rest of the day.

'I thought you might be at the hospital,' John says to his son as Holly leaves the kitchen after thanking him for accepting her help.

'Yeah Chas was really stressed last night, so I thought I let them too it today,' Adam says.

'Did Aaron ever say anything?' Holly asks. 'You know… when you're with him?'

'Could it have anything to do with me?' Holly wonders.

'Is that what you've been thinking?' Moira asks her daughter concerned.

_At some way it has something to do with you, but well._

'Look… I promise you, it has nothing to do with you,' Adam assures his sister in the hope she feels better about the situation.

'Do you know what is was about then?' John asks Adam.

'No,' Adam answers again. _How many times do I have to repeat that again, Adam thought?_ 'Of course not'

'Are we going to get back out there, or what?' Adam asks his dad to change the subject.

'Yeah, go on, I'll catch up,' John answers his son.

'All right,' Adam says as he's glad he could leave the kitchen.

'Go help you brother,' Adam heard John saying to his sister.

Adam wasn't happy with the fact he has to tell his sister all day long what she has to do, but on the other hand it was away too avoid talking about the cause of Aaron's attempt.

'See! I told you I could get my hand dirty,' Holly says with a smirk on her face.

'Yeah, now you've to try that every day,' Adam says as he cleaned his hand at his overall.

'You did a good job, kid!' John says to encourage his daughter. 'Thanks for your help.'

'I think she's hoping for a bit more then thanks,' Moira says with a smile on her face, knowing her daughter.

'Aww, you want a cup of tea?' John asks Holly.

'John!' Moira says to her husband.

'No kidding,' John says with a smirk on his face as he feels in his pockets if there's any money. '20 it is then.'

'Let's call it 40,' Holly says as she walks to her dad with an open hand.

_What the heck is she thinking, Adam wonders. She just helps one afternoon around at the farm and wants to get paid big times._

'I'll think we call it 20,' John says, but appreciating his daughter negotiation skills. 'And you know what? I'll give you also a cookie.'

'Thanks dad,' Holly says, obviously glad with what she got.

'Thanks for the effort,' John says when he hands his daughter the money and the cookie.

'I'm doing my best,' Holly says.

'Well, come on! Give me my cash,' Adam says to his dad after he washed his hands.

Adam heard his mom laughing at the other side of the room. 'Yeah right'

His attempt didn't work, instead of giving his son also some money John laughed and says: 'Well, put the kettle on for some tea.'

Adam knew this would happen, but he only wanted to make a point. Holly didn't do much around the farm, but got paid big times for well… nothing.

The next day Adam went to the hospital again. Paddy had called him that Aaron was awake again, but didn't want to speak to anyone. Paddy as well as he self thought it would worth a shot to try to speak to him. Maybe Aaron would open up more to a mate, then to his 'parents'.

When Adam arrived at the hospital there were no known people around in the waiting room, so he just walked through to Aaron's room.

'Hi,' Adam heard when he enters through the door. Chas was standing besides Aaron's bed. Aaron was asleep.

'How is he?' Adam asks whispering while closing the door silently.

'Yeah yeah, he's all right! He's doing pretty well,' Chas answered his question with a somewhat relieved face.

'Is he asleep?' Adam asks, still very worried.

'Yeah,' answered Chas and she looked at her son, before focusing her attention on Adam again. 'I'll leave you alone with him. If he does wake up, will you try to get him talking,' she asks desperately.

'Yeah, yeah sure,' Adam says.

'Thanks for coming,' Chas says and she left the room.

As soon as the door closed Adam saw Aaron lifting up an eye and getting a smile on his face. 'Is she gone?' he asked.

Adam had to laugh at what just had happened, and so did Aaron. He sat down on the chair next to the bed.

'She's doing my head in man. She keeps talking at me,' Aaron says to explain why he pretended to be asleep when Chas was in the room.

'She's worried about you,' Adam said laughing, but he totally gets what Aaron was saying. Chas can be sometimes a little too worried.

'Hmm, everybody is worried about me,' Aaron says and he dropped the smile. 'Everyone wants to know what's going on.'

Aaron turned his head to Adam before he said: 'You just had left me there.'

Adam couldn't believe what he just heard out of Aaron's mouth. He shakes his head before he responded. 'Don't start there.'

'I mean it,' Aaron said while looking straight into the eyes of Adam to let him know he really means what he's saying.

That comment hit Adam right in the face. He feels his eyes burning, and had to swallow before he could say anything.

'Right,' Adam says as he stands up from his chair and walks towards the door. 'If that's how you're going on here, then I'm off. Seriously man, I can't handle this.'

'No, please,' Aaron says imploringly and Adam turned around to look at him.

'What?' Adam asks. He really doesn't want to listen to his best mate talking about the fact he still wants to be dead, but he can't leave him either, so Adam thought it would be for the best to listen what Aaron had to say.

'I don't want you to go,' Aaron says.

'I'm not going to sit here and listening to you wishing you were dead, Aaron,' Adam says with a worried face. _I really don't want to do that, he thought._

Aaron swallowed before he responded. 'You know what I wish? I wish that you and I could be mates again.'

Adam felt a bit relieved Aaron didn't start about wishing he was dead again, but what he said now didn't make sense either. _We are friends, Adam thought._

Aaron saw Adam's confused face and continued his sentence: 'Like we used to be.'

'We can... We are!' Adam responded on his friends wish.

'No we're not,' Aaron says while shaking his head.

_What is he talking about, Adam thought. We are friends, nothing has changed._ Adam didn't know what to say, so he asked: 'What are you saying? You don't want to hang around with me?'

'Just everything has changed,' Aaron said.

'Nothing has changed,' Adam said to comfort his friend. And he wasn't lying about that, because nothing has changed. Adam was silent for a moment to look for the right words to explain that nothing has changed between the two of them.

'You still got on my nerves. You still say dumb thing and you DO even dumber things.' Adam explained. There was a soft smile visible on Aaron's face.

'But you're still my best mate,' Adam continued. 'God knows why though.'

'Cause you're a weirdo,' Aaron says with a smile on his face.

_I'm glad he's smiling again. _The tension dropped a bit. Both boys laughed.

'You are,' Adam said laughing. 'You're still the one that tried to kill himself'

The smile on Aaron's face suddenly disappeared. _Oh no, wrong joke on the wrong time, Adam thought. _But soon after that Aaron started to laugh and so did Adam.

_Fortunately, Adam thought and he started to laugh._

After a while Adam left the room and as he walked out of the Aaron's room he walked into Chas.

'Hi, how did it go?' she asked curiously.

'Hi, yeah he's okay,' Adam responded and he looked at the closed door of Aaron's room before he continued: 'He didn't say much.'

'But what did he say?' Chas asked.

Adam didn't plan to tell Chas all he and Aaron had talked about, so he just made something up.

'We've just talked. You know, about stuff. It didn't get too heavy,' Adam said.

'Well what kind of a mood is he in?' Chas asked with a worried face.

Adam didn't know how to respond on this.

'Not... great,' he says.

'Adam...' Chas started, but Adam cut her off.

'Chas... I think you should talk to him yourself, you know,' Adam said. He really didn't want to say too much to Chas, now Aaron trusts him. He knew that when something was up, Aaron would come to him and try to talk about it. He didn't want to ruin that, by spilling out at Chas.

'Yeah, you're sure, I guess,' Chas said a little disappointed but understanding. 'Thanks for coming.'

'Yeah, see you later,' Adam said and he walked away.


End file.
